The Scale Has to Go...again

...and this time.  for good.

So I have discussed the scale before and since I started this walking it out journey and sharing it I did involve the scale and weighing myself.  I thought this time I was going to stick it out and make myself weigh.  Something in me though is reminding me why I stopped and threw the scale in the trash to begin with.

 



Let me share some of the reasons that I threw it away the first time:

• I thought it was controlling me.
• I thought if I just got rid of it, then I would lose weight and be free.
• I thought about it and looked at it when I went into the bathroom.  I had either good thoughts or bad thoughts about it, depending on what number it was telling me.
• If I weighed in the morning and it was not a number that showed a loss-it ruined my day and I was moody completely throughout the day-mad and disgusted.

Then some of the reasons that I bought a new one a few weeks ago:

• I had gone without a scale well over a year.  I really NEVER thought about it and was free from that.
• When I went to doctor appointments it was showing about 10-20 pounds higher than when I threw the scale out-so I thought it must be because I stopped weighing that I gained weight.
• I thought perhaps I went into denial because I wasn't seeing my weight. (though all the time I knew my clothes were getting tighter and the measuring tape was not shrinking when I would measure after doing workouts)-and I might add I wasn't really trying to listen to my body a whole lot so results were not really to be expected a whole lot.
• My husband and I started talking about getting healthy, very quick and brief conversation.  I read WAYYY into it and said I need a scale.  We can weigh ourselves and focus on our progress.  So, I searched two days to find a scale like the one I threw away and had all kinds of thoughts about how I used to exercise, eat balanced (though I binged frequently and also was always looking for a quick fix-it ruled my mind-weight loss back after my 1st child and on from there) and so all I needed was the scale back and then I would get this weight down and under control.
• Wow I gave that thing a lot of power doesn't it seem?

Now the reason I feel now it's a done deal-the scale has to go-for good:

• I weighed the first week-and I knew what the scale would say because I had recently weighed at the doctors office.  All was good.
• Then I went about my week and didn't weigh until the following week.  I was down, score.  It was working (though I didn't do anything differently than I had been doing).
• Then the following week I think I let loose and even ate more on purpose subconsciously because the thoughts were there that I had lost weight and ate like this the week before and lost. 
• Then I weighed that next week.  It was back up.  Then I was mad (trying to hide it though).  I was frustrated and didn't get it.  I tried to stay positive and said I will keep it up and press on.  The more I went through the days the more irritated and frustrated I got and the diet thoughts started coming back.  I thought, this is not good and the scale is not the thing that is going to fix my weight.  I don't need it.  So I am done with it.  The end.  (I will not throw it away as my husband may still want to use it-but it is going to have a new home in the garage.)

Oh and if you are wondering-how will you know if you are losing?  Well, I will know by the way I feel and sometimes by the way my clothes are fitting.  I know when I am truly listening to my body and when I am not-I should not expect any result of looser clothing when I hadn't been putting any effort in-but now as I walk this journey out I want to put more effort into taking care of myself.   (I have removed the pictures from previous posts of my weight on the scale as that does not define me and I will continue to share pictures of myself through this journey)

Thank you for listening.

Walking it Out with Intuitive Eating

Time to get real.

This week I did encounter some mind battles.  They went on in my head more than anything.  I am so thankful I have brought this struggle out into the light because it would be times like these that I would have started talking about how I would like to eat and as soon as I messed up or had a bad week, I would be changing the subject and going into denial and feeling down.

This time is different.  I want encouragement and I want to get up and press on.  I have known enough what I should do when discouragement comes, but I have never really put myself out there to accept help or encouragement.  So here I am to share my struggles and press on...perhaps a little journaling and sharing what I struggled with the past week and also share my successes.

I heard a quote or read something about our areas of weaknesses and how not to constantly feel overwhelmed with it.  There are areas where we can feel overwhelmed a lot and it runs over and over in our heads.  Like I can say, over and over, "I am so overwhelmed with my weight" (fill in the blank where weight is to whatever it is for you) and that thought can repeat itself hundreds of times a day subconsciously.  Well this what I read said...replace the word overwhelmed with overcomer.  So I may be overwhelmed, but I will be an overcomer.  It is going to be the constant work of retraining my thoughts to believe this, but isn't it encouraging?

Another part of this journey, it is so against the current of how everyone you read about or come in contact with who is trying to lose weight and be healthy.  I can't stand the thought of a diet, it isn't the answer.  My testimony on how I get healthy and to my natural weight are not going to be because I followed a certain formula.  That is a challenge in our world.  

It is challenging to write all of this because part of me doesn't fully believe it, doesn't believe I can do it.  It is the emotions part of me that wants to say, nah, let's just stay the weight and way you are because you will never get to where you were or where you want to be.  It will be too hard and you won't be able to do it and you won't know how to do it.  That is a lie.  

Successes this week:

• There were multiple times this week, and I want to say several times EACH day that I totally forgot about food.  It was not on my  mind, I wasn't worrying about it or thinking hey I want to eat something just because it tastes good.  Amazing feeling!
• I drank several large bottles of water this week, and enjoyed chugging them sometimes.  I love the taste of plain water, especially Fugi water or Evian--and it quenches my thirst the best.  
• I did two or three Fit2B studios workouts-you can click on my affiliate link for a discount using the code "myheartandyours"-I am loving these exercises and continue to feel stronger and have lost at least 2 inches in my waste so far, and the thing about it I love the most is I love doing the exercises, she is gentle but I still get sore, and my all time favorite thing--the exercises are done barefoot!! Love it!! You can get 3 months for $20, which is $10 savings on 3 months.  (Okay I'm done rambling  but I really do love the exercises and being completely honest or I wouldn't even mention it!) It is a success this week!
• I learned something in the Studio Eats challenge that sometimes just having foods made and available to grab is a great idea-even healthy nutritious foods because sometimes you just crave them, but if they are not available, you grab whatever is.  I am going to make a handful of things to have on hand through the week so if I do crave something healthy, it will be available.  This is something small and simple, but in the past something I would beat myself up over because I didn't eat any foods that were nourishing me.  There are many times I really am craving them, but they aren't available so I just grab whatever.

This Week's Struggles: 

• I did have some binge eating or what I call binge eating where I keep eating even when I am not hungry, and I am actually pretty stuffed.  And not just at one meal, but pretty much the whole day or whole second half of the day.  I probably did this 3 or so days this week.  Which is why my weight went up a touch, but I can't dwell on that.  I will press on and it will get better.
• I drank a lot of sweet tea and coca cola.  I also realized that I have to be intuitive about drinks just as I am in food.  Something I learned in the Studio Eats challenge (which I have no affiliation which, just loving the simple truths I am learning about intuitive eating here) day 14. 
• I did focus a bit on the scale this week and thought about weighing and wondering if it would go down again or go up.  I know the scale has no power over me, but I wanted to weigh so I will have my weight in the light and not hidden as hiding it has caused me to be in denial in the past.  So I will continue to weigh for now, but need to constantly renew my mind in the scale and not let it master me prayerfully.  If I find that it is NOT what I feel led to continue doing--I will then choose to toss the scale again and press on.

(*there used to be a picture of the scale here with my weight-but if you see the post here you will see why I have removed it)

Focuses for this coming week:  

Be authentic.

Bring things into the light instead of hiding them.

Focus on Jesus and walking with Him constantly.

Renew my mind when I start thinking things that I know are lies or when I am acting solely on emotions.

Try and wait for hunger before eating.

I am not alone in this challenge and Mary Organizes continues to join me in the journey to be free and to rid ourselves of all weight on our bodies that are not natural.  You can read about her journey each week as well.
 

Don't Forget-What it Means to be Weak

God uses my weaknesses. It's not that I have to be ashamed of all these weaknesses, but those weaknesses are the reason God can use me!

So I was reminded when glancing at a post by Joseph Prince last week how God uses our weaknesses. So instead of being ashamed of my weaknesses and trying to hide them or instead of trying to develop a plan to fix my weaknesses and work so hard trying to make them NOT be my weaknesses anymore...God made me just the way I am and He wants to use me even my weaknesses.

It's in my weakness that He is strong. So if I feel shy sometimes and not bold enough or strong enough to share truths as He wants me to---I need not worry.

No More Questioning...But Faith

I found the below blog post that I started and never finished in 2012--posting it now because it is good words for me to read:

I don't have to question anymore.  I can sit still and just circle in my minds questions and things and boy my mind goes to analyzing and trying to figure out SOOOO much!!!  You would go crazy in my head ha!  But what I am learning in this "living" I am working on in 2012 is that I don't have to question things anymore...what I do need to do is step out in faith one step at a time.  He gives me the direction and for a long time I have sat back and analyzed every part of it and then if I didn't seem to like it, then I would move on to something else.

I can't imagine the bucket list of things the Lord has given me that I have sat back and analyzed, doubted and not acted in faith on.  It is sad to say because I know I've missed out on living and missed out on things that God had planned for me, His beloved.

New Series-Walkin' it Out

Thought this was interesting going through posts I wrote last year or so...and never published, well I am clicking publish on this one below, enjoy! (looks like what I just started a few weeks ago was something that's been on my heart a while!)

Days in the life of a natural eater, me.  I have been grabbing control so many times to try and find the right plan to eat and drink just how I need to to lose weight, but what I have been running from is God and what He has originally told me to do.  Let go of the food rules and listen to my body.  Whether you eat, drink or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God.  So how does this get walked out.  He showed me this morning while listening to Joyce Meyer's radio show that I keep going around the same mountain, like Jonah ran, if I run I still have to come back and do it His way.  He told me to eat just enough food until I am satisfied and eat His Word to make me strong.  I pray against trying to make this a diet.  I will combine all I have learned in the readings and studies of eating naturally, when hungry, and stopping when satisfied.  He also showed me that when I do what he says then I will be able to minister to others and help them. 

Jesus Calling for Kids yesterday-that spoke to me: The title was TOUGH IT OUT.

So tough it out I will do.  That will be the name of the series coming November 1st. (obviously I did not start this in November lol)

Tough it out, Walkin' it Out-30 days  a lifetime journey of walking it out as a intuitive natural eater and soaking up His Word.

Join me in this!?

What do you do exactly?  Listen to your body.  I think I am not even listening to my body, how can I help others to do this?  Well I can't, I'm weak but He is strong.

What is normal or natural eating you say?  I will give a definition from Ellyn Satter:

"Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it -not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings.

- See more at: http://www.ellynsatter.com/what-is-normal-eating-i-62.html#sthash.tIVKqd8u.dpuf"

So I am going to share about my journey God willing and be vulnerable.  Put myself out there and walk this out.   Blogging.  Journaling.  Sharing.  Pictures.  Videos.  Here we go, Lord guide me, help me to be still and not be so impulsive...and also to remember really really remember that it won't always be easy, but I do NOT have to run.  In the beginning it will certainly be more challenging, but that is not a sign to give up.  Help me remember that in my pain and suffering and grumbling.  In Jesus Name, Amen

p.s.  this is not a diet or a program.  it is life and living it out fully intentionally.

More later...
Kim :)

Good Morning-Be Still and Know

What the Lord has been teaching me I feel, lately, is to slow down, be still.  You remember that scripture:

Psalm 46:10a Be still, and know that I am God!

It seems all of the things lately that I "think" are problems or things I should work on lately are just sort of fabricated things my mind created to focus on instead of the Lord.  If I be still and listen to God, He calms my thoughts and my mind.  I feel like I have spiritual ADD.  Working on practicing His presence and just being still, oh how hard that is for me but I will press on and that will change by His grace.  If I rush I have been told I will miss so much.

I found this song just while googling, going to listen to it now.  I will paste the lyrics below it, maybe it will minister to someone's heart today.

Walking it Out

My journey to get to my natural weight eating intuitively and learning to have balance in my life. Going against the flow of the worlds way to release weight.  I started last week bravely sharing my weight and a picture of me. I did that as I feel it helped me to bring my struggle into the light. I believe that helps me continue walking forward. If I were to hide it and wait until I accomplished weight release to tell, well I tried that and it wasn't working for me.  So here I am.

This week I didn't do anything different than I have been doing. I have been working on releasing extra food to God when I am tempted to eat past full. I have cried out to Him when I was wanting to eat but wasn't hungry and asked Him for help. And I have asked forgiveness for eating way more than I needed, bingeing some, and pressed on.  I am trying to bring Him into my struggles because that's what works. He works. He is awesome. 

Some of my highlights of this week walking this out: 

I listened to what God was telling me each day. When I listen to him it is easier to not grab for food when I'm not hungry. He satisfies. Completely when we let Him. 

I finished a meal and several times this week I stopped eating--when usually I would run right past the fullness boundary and stuff myself. I just thought a moment and said, "hey I don't think I'm hungry, so I'll put this up." That simple. 

I found time to exercise doing what I love. Walking and some strength training with Fit2B Studios. I walked 3 days this week around my neighborhood while my kids rode their bikes along with me. We went in evening after dinner and it wasn't too hot. Loved it. I use the Runkeeper app to track my distances and time. It's fun! 

Some of my struggles this week while walking this out:

I did struggle with being frustrated a few days and I overate. Part of it was I didn't have the food I wanted in the house so nothing was filling my craving. I also realized that I was thirsty for water and not hungry. 

The time of the month is probably coming close and this makes me want to eat and snack and grab. 

If you would like to see where I started journaling along this journey it was last week and here is the link.  So I did weigh myself a few times this week. I also measured my waist. I have been working on healing my distastes in my tummy with the Fit2B workouts and I lost 2" in the last two weeks just around my belly button. It is healing! This is probably my favorite workouts I have EVER done and I plan to continue.  If you are interested in trying it out I have an affiliate link you are welcome to check out here.  I also released some weight. Below I will share a picture of my scale--and every few weeks I will share my pictures of me.

(*I have removed the picture of my weight on the scale as that does not define me and I share here why, though I will continue to share pictures of myself through this journey)

Down almost 2 pounds in a week, though I am in no hurry, I am just journeying along one day at a time.  I can't say it will always show a loss, but I am going forward in the direction to be my natural weight and sometimes there will be a few steps back, and that is okay, as long as I am not giving up. :)

Thank you for journeying along with me and I hope that this accountability will be beneficial for me as I walk out intuitive eating and having God as my personal trainer. 

Share your comments and stories with me. I would love to hear them!