Numb

Feeling numb especially in the area of eating.  I have exhausted it in my mind heart and soul.  I have sabotaged many well intended starts I have taken.  I have doubted ideas and inspiration.  I have sadly given up in my heart.  I suppose that is a good thing as that is when God changes you.  When you surrender and give it up.  I can't control anymore.

Thoughts. Random brain dump.  I can do this.  I don't have to have everything figured out.  I cannot focus outside of this very moment.  I have to stay in this moment.  And be all there.  Keep my focus on His face.  I asked Him to be my personal trainer.  He is very capable of doing that.  I have to allow Him in.  More.  More than ever.  And not run away or try and hide again.  Vulnerable.  Need more vulnerability.  It's okay if I feel something.  Really it is.  No need to numb anymore.

Prayer.  Jesus I need help to be vulnerable.  To feel again.  To let you and others in.  To have discernment of when to let in and when to have boundaries.  I want to be the intuitive eater that You and my body so desires me to be.  I have all the knowledge.  But like I heard Joyce Meyer say a few weeks ago...we have so much more knowledge than our level of obedience.  I truly know this is true for me.  I have exhausted my mind in it all.  I need a fresh start now.  Right now I ask you to sweep me off my feet with Your love and to help me restart in filling up on You and not food or drink.  You are so much better than that and I know that is Truth. Jesus be my everything and even though things might not change right away and I may not see immediate results, please help me rely on You and keep taking steps of obedience when I don't feel like it or when it is hard and help me to see the clear path of personal training You have in store for me each moment of each day.  I.  Need.  You.  In Jesus Name, Amen

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More later...Kim