Where is my focus?

I can't get this off my mind.  Thinking these days of what to meditate on as I invite each morning the Holy Spirit to rule my thoughts and what scripture tells me to think on.


Phil 4:8 (NIV) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.


So as I attempt to begin "Reshaping it All" my body, or Thin Within my body in the past year or two I feel I have focused on those things, the program, whatever I was learning about it, what my body was doing, what actions I was doing right or wrong, more than I was focusing on God.  What I am picking up this time is that I need to focus on Jesus alone. I am so hungry for Him and I haven't even realized it!  I have fed my flesh for so long I need to now nourish and feed my Spirit.  I know I will be whole and complete and not lacking when I do this.


What I have picked up so far reading Reshaping it All, some of the things I have highlighted while reading, I will post the quotes from Candace Cameron Bure below to share what touched my heart:

• "It wasn't until I emptied myself and put Jesus in first that I began to feel empowered again by His Spirit."
• "He influences our actions, our thoughts, and our passions when we let Him move in.  I mean really move in-unpack His bags and even rearrange the furniture if He wants to-not as a guest but as a resident."
• Galatians 5:16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
• "Anything that is contrary to the fruit of the Spirit will lead us farther and farther away from the prize."
• "I try to keep my eyes focused on the Lord and not on the world."
• "The thought of not hearing God's voice because I'm not listening or I'm not in tune with Him makes me crazy!"
• "I know that I serve the Lord when I serve my family."
• "How do you ensure that God is always number one in your life?..........My answer is simple: prioritize."

So Mondays I will write about glorifying God in my eating and like the scripture says 1 Cor 10:31, whether you eat, drink or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God.  I will share what the Lord is teaching me in this area. But what I feel right now He is teaching me is, Kim, you don't need to write about the food, or write about the problems with eating you have, I want you to write about me and filling up on me.  He satisfies y'all.  He gives complete satisfaction.  Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;  blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. So often I go running to other things for quick fixes because I just can't seem to be still, but oh what joy and satisfaction comes when I sit at His feet all day long and listen and learn and enjoy the journey in Him.  Then there is no need to grab food or other things.  Like John the Baptist said...He must increase and I must decrease (John 3:30).  I feel that is the key He wants me to start living out now.  So that is where I am right now.  More being still, more listening, more learning to walk by His Spirit so I will not gratify my flesh.  


One other thing that is really on my heart is consistency and remembering that each day is a brand new clean slate day.  I do not have to live in the past or try and deal with past failures.  Its new, I am not going back to where I was, I will embrace today and be consistent in the small changes He has me making to the best of my ability relying on His strength and grace.


Love to you,
Kim


Take a listen to this:

Goals from My Personal Trainer

**Revising some of this as I feel it is way to complex here and need to simplify**

So during my quiet time a few days ago I had the Lord help me with goals.  I always struggle with these because I seem to fail every time.  This time though the word reliance is what is needed.  Jesus, my reliance on Jesus.  My focus on Him.  He is my rock.

I am going to, along with 2 chapters a week from Reshaping it All which I feel is a light read and not too deep, I am going to go through 30 days of Thin Within, which is the first of my short term goals.

Before making my goals I committed this all to the Lord as Proverbs 3:5-6:

⁵Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  ⁶In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. 


I did not want it to be mine and wanted Him in control.  So here are the goals I felt led to write in my journal Saturday.



The Big Goals:

1. Lose 52 pounds and fit into my blue jean shorts my husband got me in 2009, pictured below.  
2. Be Free from the "pull" (bondage) of food.
3. Help others, as God leads, to do the same.

Mini Goals (reminders):

1. 1 Pound per week.
2. Keep eyes fixed on Jesus renewing mind constantly. (Do not EVER have to go back where I was)
3. I will have one treat a week.
4. God is my personal trainer.
5. When I'm not physically hungry and want food, run to God!
6. Fast a meal a day until June 26th.  Fill up on God in the midday meal and if I get hungry have some fruit juice or some fruit or small snack, to sew seeds to my Spirit and not the flesh.  (Learned this from Alternative Diet by Diane Hampton)
7. Exercise 3-5 days a week doing T-Tapp, walking or going to the gym/taking a class.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Spiritual Goal:  Remain constantly in fellowship with Him walking and submitting to the Holy Spirit.

30 Day Goal-to June 26th (for my husbands big birthday and our little getaway)

1. Exercise 5 days a week.
2. Eat when my body is physically hungry and until June 26th fast one meal a day, middle of the day meal, and feed on God's Word, if hungry drink fruit juice or eat small amount of fruit. (Learned this from Alternative Diet by Diane Hampton)
3. Run to God for heart hunger.  
4. 1 treat a week, when hungry, savor it.
5. Read through the book Thin Within in 30 days.  I may not hit it all every single aspect, but to hit on just what God wants me to hit on.

Counting the Cost:

This and every day is not always easy.  Remember that.  Rest in Jesus.

Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.......

So there we have it.  Giving You Lord all of my fears and intimidations because they are there.  Help me rest in You, move forward one step at a time in this, I cannot do it wihtout You, as You lead me and give me strength.  Your word says: " 

²⁸ Have you never heard?

      Have you never understood?
   The Lord is the everlasting God,
      the Creator of all the earth.
   He never grows weak or weary.
      No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
 ²⁹ He gives power to the weak
      and strength to the powerless.
Help me meditate on the fact that I am powerless and You are my strength, constantly renewing my mind with Your truth.  Lord help me to be still and listen each day.  Stop me from any legalism.  In Jesus Name, Amen

Food for Thought

This video from Her Noble Character on todays Reshaping it All spoke to me.  It seems when I am hungry I am eating foods that are not beneficial.  Like she quotes, All foods are permissible for me, but not all foods are beneficial.  All foods are permissible for me but I will not be mastered by anything. (my parahprasing here).  I find that the wholesome foods, not diet cardboard tasting foods, but the ones that are wholesome and that I love, I miss out in my daily intake because I am feeding myself solely with what Thin Within would call "teasers" and sometimes "pleasers" when "whole body pleasers" are the foods you want to eat because I love them and they are beneficial, and you eat just enough to be satisfied.  Ok that is the so called law I made up in my head that I have tried to keep the past year with major failure. Really it is feeding my flesh, that instant gratification.  So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. (Gal. 5:16 NIV)

So its Jesus, alone, I need.  The Holy Spirit living in me to lead me, not my flesh which leads to misery and absolutely no true satisfaction.  After hearing this video, I don't feel I am "addicted" to sugar per se, but I do feel that foods that are not beneficial (although permissible I should not be mastered by them) are okay in moderation when hungry, but I do feel I have gone past moderate and eat outside of hunger and have to say I feel mastered to them in a way.  So I will prayerfully thing about this this weekend, should I eleminate them and have once a week allowance in order to feast more on the Word of God and also more on beneficial foods to strengthen my body for a season.  I already feel just typing that that it would be beneficial for me to do.  Back to the word reliance, I can do nothing apart from Him.  So Lord I ask you to help me in this decision, to do as your Word says in Psalm 119:103 How sweet are your words to my taste, yes sweeter than honey to my mouth!  I feel that by watching me someone could also conclude about me that the mouth is more desireable to me sometimes than Your Word. I know this is like she said, not what a child of yours should be doing and not pleasing to You, so I ask you now to just guide me in what I should do.  Help me this weekend to lay out the smaller goals to lead to the bigger goals, all for Your Glory.  May all else fall away but You in me and my heart.  In Jesus Name, Amen

Pressing on

I am pressing on today.  Realizing how TRUE it is that I do NOT have to live in the past anymore.  Each new day is a new day to create what my future will be.  I can rely on the Lord, live in His adventure led by the Holy Spirit in me and it will be creating my future, who I am becoming.  I am not stuck, I will not be stuck anymore.  I am moving on! 

Philippians 3:12 (NIV)
¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Reshaping it ALL in my heart and life with the Lord now, thats my new journey.  It seems overwhelming to think about it.  So easy to try and look at the big picture, but I know that just alone focusing on the one step ahead of me, not getting ahead of myself, is the place to stay and keep my focus.  Be still, listen, be still, listen Kim.  Will be finishing up chapter 5 and starting chapter 6 this weekend. 

31 Days to clean I am a tad behind because some of the tasks I have already done recently, and the one with carpet cleaning in June we will be having someone come out and clean them so I will wait until then to do that.  My challenge is finding how much sleep I need.  I read last night 7.5 hours (I read this on my fellow sister in Christ's site Kat on Inspired to Action she wrote:

"When Should I Go to Bed?

You probably need around 7.5 hours of sleep. If you have children and you’re lucky, they sleep 10-11 hours a night. (That was the average of a recent Twitter poll.)
Try fitting your 7.5 hours within their 10-11, leaving enough time in the morning to accomplish what you want.
This is the most important part of making a morning routine work!
You may be able to keep late hours and still wake up early for a few weeks, maybe longer. But it will catch up to you, leaving you burnt out.
If you want to see long-term results, get enough sleep!"

So I am going to work on that this week, getting enough sleep.  And in last weeks reading 31 Days to Clean she talks about finding out how much sleep you need, to help increase your energy.  So that is my little expiriment this week to find out how much sleep I need to have energy throughout the day!

Be still and listen to HIM today.  This is a new day and I will rejoice and be glad in it!

More later...until then rest in Him!

Its not about the food

So the Lord gave me this revelation a few days ago and this is something that He has told me before but I had forgotten.  He refreshed my mind with this simple little nugget that has nudged me along to press on even more.

He said, Kim, even it is not about the food. 



He said even if this food issue in your life was gone, you are at your natural weight, etc, you will still have the heart issues.  They are not going to go away.  You have to let me heal you.  You have to let me transform you.  You have to just rest in my arms.  You can strive at losing this weight, have all the goals and plans and routines in place, and carry them out, but you will still be empty.  The pain, hurts, sin, whatever is hindering your heart needs to be brought to me and whether you eat bingeing all day long or whether you eat a diet each day that is restricted, it will still be there.  All of it. 



Revelation is what it was for me.  So thankful Lord that you showed me this.  I thought wow the past few years so much struggle over how I will eat when you have given me two simple things to follow and then the rest just let you work in my heart, but I have spent the time figuring out the food thing.  Its the heart, heart, heart.  I have to let you have that and work in it.  Help me be still moment by moment and allow this.  Rest in the chaos I have and just pour my heart out to you.  In Jesus Name, Amen :)

More later!

Committed, a plan, a goal, reliance & satisfaction

Commited.  Comitted to submitting to the Lord in this area of my life, eating and my body (His).  Reshaping it All, where I will be the rest of the 65 days. It's confirmed.  I am moving into chapter 6 soon.  I will have to catch up on the readings on the blog and join in where I feel led.  This accountability is perfect timing for such a time as this in my life and season of life that I am in. 

Reading chapter 5 of Reshaping it All I found a few things that spoke to my heart.  A Plan.  The Lord has given me His plan for me and what I feel is simple but needed for my body, His Tempe.  I have ignored it the past year.  I must say I am ashamed of that.  I think that is what kept me running for so long.  But run no more.  I will be still.  For me the two things the Lord has shown me are to eat until I am satisfied, having just enough.  Candace Cameron Bure says this in her book, she says to eat not until you are "full" but until you are "satisfied." I think this was advise given to her by a trainer years ago.  But it is what the Lord has told me to do clearly through His Word and confirmation.  What a difference between full and satisfied.  And the second thing is to eat the foods that will make my body strong, things that are beneficial.  Isaiah 55:2 says:
2 Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare. I struggled with this the most because I felt that I had learned all foods are ok in moderation and got used to that, released weight and then bam, I heard you need to eat things to make your body strong and I went into a lot of chaos and questioning, etc.  But I will be getting up now and pressing on, no more questioning and just living by what knowledge I have and what He leads me in.

I must make a goal, and continue moving baby steps moment by moment, breaking the big goal into smaller goals so that I can reach them.  I would say I need to lose 50 pounds.  That would be the big goal, and she said to make it a year goal or that was a suggestion, and to say lose 52 pounds in a year, that is a pound a week.  So I shall make a list of things I can do and will do weekly in order to obtain a pound loss a week.  I think the bigger goal though is that I have a pair of shorts that I bought after releasing all my weight to a natural weight after my third child in 2009, size 6, and I got rid of all my clothes from then but I saved these shorts.  My goal is to wear them comfortably, they were a gift from my husband! 

Most importantly I must rely.  I cannot do this on my own, any of it.  I cannot be who I should be or want to be without the Lord as my rock and my guide.  He is my ultimate comfort, my perfect provision, the lover of my soul, my refuge.  He is my counsler, wonderful counselor.  He must lead me through this.  Matt 6:33 says Seek first His Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.  The amplified version says it this way:  But seek ([a]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c]taken together will be given you besides.

As I seek Him first each moment in this journey I know that all else will be added unto me, given to me. 

Psalm 23:1  The Lord is my shephard, I shall not want.



The other scripture that comes to mind is Without Christ I can do nothing.  And of course, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Satisfiaction.  I must find my satisfaction in things other than food, or anything else I will never be where I should be.  I will stay miserable, feeling lack, feeling empty.  Still wanting.  Psalm 34:8 says:  Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!

So there we are, a mess I am, running I was, but now stillness, reliance and moment by moment I will be taking it.  Not sure what will come, knowing it won't be easy, but its what I am supposed to be doing as I can see in my heart. 

I also continue with the rest of 31 Days to Clean and also joined in with Inspired to Action with Kat in the Maximize your Mornings, with a group of ladies they assigned me to to just be accountable for each morning spending time with Jesus before the day starts and before kids arise and chaos starts, and it goes for 3 months.  I have been needing this the past year also, struggled with the "snooze" button far too long.  My task right now is finding out how much sleep my body needs and adjusting my sleep accourdingly. 

More later...in the meantime keep resting in Him!

About the commitment

I made a commitment 12 weeks ago to co-lead a Thin Within class online at the Thin Within site.  I got about five weeks into it and started wrestling with the Lord and did not give my whole heart in it.  So I hung on by a string and kept doing the study but also eating my own way most of the time.  Then when Reshaping it All came along, last week I found it, and I felt like this is what I was going to do.  I realize this happens, I find another book or "way" to lose weight or be healthy instead of doing what the Lord has asked me to do.  I look at it as gripping for a "law" or "rule" to the way I should eat, the right way.  I skirt around, if you will, the way He chose for me.  He has clearly showed me for my body that I need to pay attention to my hunger and eat when I am physically hungry and to stop eating when I am satisfied/full and eat no more.  Also that He is the one that truly satisfies and not the food.  I am also assured by Him that He will show me foods that will strengthen my body and are beneficial for me as I trust Him and go by also the knowledge that I have.  He really helps me in this moment by moment when I rely on Him, but lately I have done anything but that in the area of eating. 

So I am feeling the Lord saying finish the 12th week of Thin Within study that you are in now and then rely on me to see what is next.  I feel I have all the knowledge, but He is asking me to take some actions now.  So that is what I am going to do.  I am undoing what I jumped into last week.  I am still reading Reshaping it All, but I am going to take a break from the 65 day study/blog and finish what I am on and what I started.  Giving it my whole heart.  I am going to seek Him then in what I am going to do next, which may be just rely on Him, I have to be open to what He leads me to and not just grab what "I" want. 

I am reminded of something I heard about the Galatians the other day and how they were walking by the Spirit and then started going back to the law...it seems thats what I keep attempting to do.  I must be still.  Be still and know that He is God.

Lord please help me in this, bring me back to you in this area and all areas, and give me the desire and strength to be still and listen to You and obey.  In Jesus Name, Amen

31 Days To Clean journey!

So this week I made it through the week of 31 days to clean devotionals.  I can feel a difference in how my home feels, atmosphere and also physically.  I also feel better myself because I know that I worked towards that and accomplished it, victory, thank you Jesus!!!

I did find myself a bit perfectionist in the kitchen doing the top of the cabinets, but its over and done and towards the end of it I started realizing it and said hey this does not have to be perfect so I will do what I can in an alotted time and that will be just great :)

Its amazing how cleaning the home is so much more than just cleaning.  It plays into so many areas of my life.  My marriage, my parenting, my relationsihp with my family, how they feel, how I feel, then it shows my attitude of my heart when cleaning is not done, I know that there is something in my heart thats off, maybe laziness, maybe procrastination, maybe some healing that needs done in my heart and I am just sulking and don't realize it, but thats a great way I see now for me to have a little "check in" with my heart is to look at my home.  (very long run on sentence, I know, forgive me;))

Titus 2:4-5 ⁴That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Now I realize why keeper at home is such an important role in my life...God help me to honor you in my home and to make our home a haven.  In Jesus Name, Amen

I am very excited to read today about priorities, as I have not read todays reading.  This is something that I have been working on the past year or two and to be refreshed in it is going to be refreshing!

So more later, I just wanted to post in how I was feeling in this journey in this area...

Commit

Hello to y'all!! Thank you for sharing your comments with me, I'm so thankul to have you all along this journey with the Lord! Here I am tonight after a long day with my husband and 3 children wanting to share my heart about something the Lord put on my heart tonight. Amazingly enough, well He is amazing, He used a TV commercial to speak to me!!

You see, the past year or so I have struggled, mostly with my eating after having it surrendered to the Lord for a short while and being free, and it was mostly a spiritual battle...at least from what I've learned so far. I have felt sort of unsettled and left trying to figure this whole issue out and even though I seek the Lord daily and I am obedient and surrendered in so many areas of my life, this is one of the areas I have been wrestling with the Lord in.

Tonight the commercial was on FOX while watching American Idol, really one of the only TV shows I watch, and it was about that restaurant show with the Ramsey guy (forgive me I don't know his name or the shows name at the moment), but the restaurant owner has a business that is failing and this man comes in and tries to help him save their restaurants. The clip I saw that spoke to me was a direct conversation between the business owner and the Ramsey guy. He asked him a question and the man answers loudly, "I'm a failure!!!!!!!!" Then the reply was "then commit!!!!!!"

Ok so I've been stuck feeling like I have failed too many times. I am starting out on a new 65 day journey of Reshaping it All and feel already why try, I've failed too much and I'm done, I have gone too far backwards...but God. That's my only hope.

So He has told me through this...Kim you need to commit and you need to do this with all of your heart.

So that's my challenge tonight as I lay my head down to sleep. Prepare to commit. For the long term, for life. In the area of eating. Not dieting.  Surrendering my eating to the Lord and eating as He has shown me is best for me.  My flesh screams out...NO!!!

So I will write more about this and some of the lies I have been believing in my next post.  Lord I am ready to prepare for this challenge to commit. Please help me rest in You and cease striving, all striving, so that you alone can be strong in my weakness. I read today, Psalm 37:5 "commit everything you do to the Lord, trust Him and He will help you." I am trusting you and will wait now as you help me prepare. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Do you share this struggle in any way? What has the Lord been teaching you in the area of eating and the heart issue involved with it?

Scattered

This is a word on my heart lately.  It seems the moment I start to take my eyes off of Jesus and onto the schedules and routines and things of this world chaos sets in and I start getting involved in many things and feel scattered, spread thin. 


Scattered: –adjective, distributed or occurring at widely spaced, dispersed; disorganized: scattered forces; distracted or disorganized: scattered thoughts.


One of the synonyms:  take off in all directions


Then I think of the scripture about the narrow road, one way, one focus, Jesus.  No wonder my peace seems not complete, my intimacy with the Lord isn't where I know it should be, then I remember what He tells me very often...S-L-O-W-D-O-W-N.  Literally minute by minute I have to slow down.  If I don't I am headed in a lot of directions, reading 4  or more books here and there, looking at several studies I can join, reading online about things, be a better Godly wife, mother, homekeeper, handle finances better, etc, but really what I need is to focus solely on Jesus and then these things will be added unto me.


Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God.


^{Matthew 6:33} Seek the Kingdom of God^[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.


Lord scattered that I am I see there are things I need to let go of, mostly focuses, in my mind, where you are not all I am thinking of.  Help me to eliminate and concentrate as I learned from an Anne Ortlund book, and to just be refreshed in You.  In Jesus Name, Amen

End of one journey and start of a new

I am coming to the last week of my Thin Within study. While I will continue learning in the Thin Within materials because there is so much more I can learn and grow from there, I am starting a new little journey in the area of eating and my relationship with God for 65 days through Reshaping it All by Candace Cameron Bure. I an going to try and post here what I'm learning and anything else I feel led to share.


Another little journey I start for the month of May is 31 Days to Clean by Sara Mae. It is a devotional and gets to the heart regarding cleaning our homes and that is definitely an area that I am not natural at, so I am excited to learn a lot in this area.  


Of course, without the Lord as my strength guiding me I can't do any of this.  I really hope I am not diving in trying too much, and that my intentions are pure here.  These are two areas I feel I am lacking in my life right now and I am wanting to learn more in them and grow!  In the process, grow closer to the Lord and becoming who He wants me to be.

(picture taken from http://www.squidoo.com/isnpirationalsongs)

Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amp) ⁵Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  ⁶In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

So Lord I am comitting my ways to You here, even though I feel like a robot lately and can't seem to be still, please show me what I need to hear and learn through this.  I need refreshing in my relationship with You and with my life in all areas.  Direct my paths Lord.  In Jesus Name, Amen