Walking it Out

So I haven't written in a month or more.  Wow.  On the intuitive eating.  See I got a health coach.  Someone to help me in renewing my mind and walking out this intuitive eating.  See I am still struggling.  I don't like it.  At all.  I want to come on here and say I GOT IT!  I figured it all out.  It isn't happening though and I am frustrated. 

I may have a new sweet accountability partner.  I want to turn away though and think I can do this on my own.  But I am starting to see a pattern.  Every time God puts someone in my life or path to help me in this area of my life, I turn my back eventually.  Resisting strongly.

This hurts.  It is hard to admit really.  Because I would like to think that by now after so many years of this struggle I could help people or I could be free--comfortable in my body.

I want to post a new picture of myself.  I probably lost a few pounds, but I am not consistent and I need more work in this area.  I want to press on.  I want to be joyful instead of grouchy, resisting and stuck.  I want to accept the help where God gives it to me.  Reaching out my hand and saying lift me up Lord and help me walk this out....daily.

Thankful for Him and His grace and mercy for me--this control freak who wants to figure it all out and can't and really, who is NOT supposed to be trying to figure it all out.  But who is to be simply listening and obeying the God who loves me so much and wants to care for me.