The Scale Has to Go...again

...and this time.  for good.

So I have discussed the scale before and since I started this walking it out journey and sharing it I did involve the scale and weighing myself.  I thought this time I was going to stick it out and make myself weigh.  Something in me though is reminding me why I stopped and threw the scale in the trash to begin with.

 



Let me share some of the reasons that I threw it away the first time:

• I thought it was controlling me.
• I thought if I just got rid of it, then I would lose weight and be free.
• I thought about it and looked at it when I went into the bathroom.  I had either good thoughts or bad thoughts about it, depending on what number it was telling me.
• If I weighed in the morning and it was not a number that showed a loss-it ruined my day and I was moody completely throughout the day-mad and disgusted.

Then some of the reasons that I bought a new one a few weeks ago:

• I had gone without a scale well over a year.  I really NEVER thought about it and was free from that.
• When I went to doctor appointments it was showing about 10-20 pounds higher than when I threw the scale out-so I thought it must be because I stopped weighing that I gained weight.
• I thought perhaps I went into denial because I wasn't seeing my weight. (though all the time I knew my clothes were getting tighter and the measuring tape was not shrinking when I would measure after doing workouts)-and I might add I wasn't really trying to listen to my body a whole lot so results were not really to be expected a whole lot.
• My husband and I started talking about getting healthy, very quick and brief conversation.  I read WAYYY into it and said I need a scale.  We can weigh ourselves and focus on our progress.  So, I searched two days to find a scale like the one I threw away and had all kinds of thoughts about how I used to exercise, eat balanced (though I binged frequently and also was always looking for a quick fix-it ruled my mind-weight loss back after my 1st child and on from there) and so all I needed was the scale back and then I would get this weight down and under control.
• Wow I gave that thing a lot of power doesn't it seem?

Now the reason I feel now it's a done deal-the scale has to go-for good:

• I weighed the first week-and I knew what the scale would say because I had recently weighed at the doctors office.  All was good.
• Then I went about my week and didn't weigh until the following week.  I was down, score.  It was working (though I didn't do anything differently than I had been doing).
• Then the following week I think I let loose and even ate more on purpose subconsciously because the thoughts were there that I had lost weight and ate like this the week before and lost. 
• Then I weighed that next week.  It was back up.  Then I was mad (trying to hide it though).  I was frustrated and didn't get it.  I tried to stay positive and said I will keep it up and press on.  The more I went through the days the more irritated and frustrated I got and the diet thoughts started coming back.  I thought, this is not good and the scale is not the thing that is going to fix my weight.  I don't need it.  So I am done with it.  The end.  (I will not throw it away as my husband may still want to use it-but it is going to have a new home in the garage.)

Oh and if you are wondering-how will you know if you are losing?  Well, I will know by the way I feel and sometimes by the way my clothes are fitting.  I know when I am truly listening to my body and when I am not-I should not expect any result of looser clothing when I hadn't been putting any effort in-but now as I walk this journey out I want to put more effort into taking care of myself.   (I have removed the pictures from previous posts of my weight on the scale as that does not define me and I will continue to share pictures of myself through this journey)

Thank you for listening.